You know how sometimes you have those days where you are kind of contemplative and it's semi-destructive, semi-constructive. And you think: I wish I'd done that differently or I wish I'd chosen that road instead of the one I did. I'd be so much more and have so much more to offer... or why did I waste so much time doing this or that.
So when I do this (and maybe I'm the only person that does it) I try to take stock in what I do have and what I have done and how I can change one or two things to make me better. After all, isn't that what this is all about?
And as I was pondering, I concluded that in reality, I am exactly where I thought I'd be familywise I am happily married, I have a million healthy kids and I own a home. (which as a young girl was all I ever wanted for myself) so YEAH ME!! But, I am not where I thought I'd be spiritually or mentally or emotionally or professionally. SO SAD!!!
WELL... Yesterday at work, as we VERY OFTEN do, we had some down time and my friend says to me... "Ever Googled yourself?" I said "No, nothing would come up and I'd be depressed"... She did it anyway... Well Kaci Lund... and I haven't been her very long so that was okay. And just as I suspected... NOTHING. But what did come up may have changed my thinking momentarily... or hopefully forever... but you know me.
A blog of a girl somewhere in California with my same name came up. She has to be only in her late 20s at the most. She is LDS, very LDS. And she has 6 kids under the age of 8. (Like that would be me with Allie as my oldest and 5 younger than her.) And here is the kicker... she is battling cancer. She talks about how she is EXHAUSTED and sooooooo sick and how she has to force herself to get up every day and take care of these little babies and love them and be everything for them. And she has to put her horrific disease aside while she bathes them and feeds them and nurtures them. And her entire day revolves around them. She reads to them and plays with them and cleans the house for them. And throws up blood quietly so they won't hear her and be scared.
Man, I am hopelessly pathetic. Here I boo hoo about all my petty crap and try and feel sorry for me and wish I was this or that. And there are people out there with real problems and struggles. So, I decided, thanks to my new idol, Kaci and thanks to what could only be the spirit guiding me (because for the life of me, I cannot find her blog anymore) I had a life changing awakening. And I will try very hard to be grateful for who I am and what I have and who I have and where I am and how I feel. And STOP obsessing over the stupidest unimportant life drama. I will change what I can. Drop what I can't do anything about. And thank my Heavenly Father for the blessings he has given me.
And I will pray for Kaci in California because that girl could use a prayer or two. What a sweet daughter of our Heavenly Father. What a person to look up to. Wherever you are... MY thoughts and prayers and complete adoration are with you.
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3 comments:
What a sweet, adorable, compassionate post, MY Kaci (of whom I am very proud and love with my whole heart). I can understand how this experience could be "an awakening" and certainly life-changing, if you allow it to be and it sounds like you will...good for you. I, too, will pray for sweet Kaci in CA, she is an example to us all!!! I'm telling you, we need to walk around on our knees everyday with thankfulness in our hearts for the blessings of health and well being and family and our knowledge of the Savior and his atoneing sacrifice for us. We are blessed beyond words, however, you found the words to express it all beautifully...Thank You for sharing.
That is a very neat post Kac. i am glad that you are ...in MANY ways where you hoped to be...and that this new Kaci will help motivate you to be...in all other ways...where you hope to be. I think you are amazing and even though you are not fighting cancer or struggling in overwhelming ways...you have had your fair share of heartache and tough times. You have gotten through them following the spirit. Which is complete success in my book. You are an example to me and I appreciate both my big sisters for who they are and what they have accomplished!
Trust me...being all over google isn't a good thing. It is just a way for people to track you down, call you and complain about every little thing possible! :)
I love you!
That brought tears to my eyes. I guess we all do that and then have to be brought back to reality and realize that our life isn't that bad after all. Love ya. Thanks for sharing. :)
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