My little Morgan Stanley... She had her own ideas. She thought that she knew a thing or two. She has a face full of freckles and crooked teeth and I still have to remind her to pick up her shoes but the girl is a 21 year old in a 10 year old body. And so off she went, to Portland. She had a few experiences, got some knowledge, learned some lessons and came back to me. Hopefully, a little wiser. Time will tell.
Was it easy to let both of them go away from me? Are you kidding? But my thought was... go... learn for yourself where you belong... but make sure it's the right decision. It's hard to be children of divorce. I can't imagine what that must feel like. I haven't lived with my parents for over 20 years and I could break out in hives trying to comprehend the burden of choosing which one I'd live with if all of the sudden, without warning I had to choose. And imagining one of them being alone could literally kill me. But at some point a decision had to be made.
I felt my Heavenly Father with me as I put both of my daughters on planes at different times and sent them off to make adult-like decisions at very young ages. I tried to prepare myself for the fact that they might not come back. And I would just have to try and go on with my life. I know there were people out there wondering if I had lost my mind or what kind of heartless mother just gives up their daughters. But the spirit whispered to me that this is what I needed to do so that they would know for themselves and never question the decision because I forced THEM to make it without any coaxing from me. And then I was blessed with an overwhelming calming feeling on a daily basis that everything was going to be okay if I could just be patient.
And here they both are... for now. So last night I tip toed downstairs and sat on the end of my little girl's bed and listened to her breathing. And felt my heart nearly bursting with gratitude that I let her go and she, with all of her free agency and her 21 year old spirit came back to me and is right where she belongs...
LUND party of 7? When all is said and done it will be a good thing... I swear. A very chaotic, loud, energetic, messy, bank account draining, laughter filled, love overflowing good thing.
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5 comments:
Well I'm bawling my eyes out, I've already used up two tissues, completely. I must admit (as you already know) that I was one of those who wondered how in the world you could send them off. However, I also know that if there is ANYONE on this earth who knows how to listen to the Spirit, it's YOU! So just as you did with your daughters, I had to do with mine... I had to let you exercise your free agency to allow them to exercise theirs. I know in your heart that you knew it would turn out this way, "something" just told you it would and you were right!! As happy as I am that everyone is where they are supposed to be now, I also know that this will be a huge challenge for all of you. I am comforted to know, however, that when things are the way they are supposed to be, things go well. I also know you will continue to "listen" and do what you feel is right. I love you all more than words can ever say...NOW let's talk about a family picture!!
kaci you're awesome.
It is never easy when they innocently love someone who is not the person they believe him to be. They unknowingly give their hearts and minds to a situation based on manipulation and false stories. But we quickly learn that it doesn't take long for them to see the truth, feel what’s right and turn their hearts toward where the Spirit dwells!
Give yourself a pat on the back for raising them in righteous and for providing a home where the Spirit dwells...one where they feel safe, loved and want to stay!
I love you...admire the choices you have made, the life you lead and the mother you are!
Such a sweet post. I'm so happy for you that all your kiddies are back with their momma. And you look way pretty in that picture with her, by the way.
Thanks for the advice. The funny thing is I know I'm being crazy. I guess I'm just so scared I won't know what to do when the time comes, and I know it will, that Boston will actually get sick. I really hope I can learn to relax though, because feeling like this is driving me bananas!:)
Holy Cow, Kaci... How you did this I will never know. But one thing is for sure, when you have the Spirit guiding you, you are able to do unbelievable things. I have always been in awe of your strong testimony. I think that I will go and hug my little boys now (whom are actually taller than me.) It won't be too long and I will be putting them on planes to go on missions. :( and :)
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