So Karen tagged me. And not only did she just casually challenge me to do this, but she straight up called me out. This is called "Honest Scraps" which equates to 10 things about yourself that you are being honest and coming clean about. So... here it is... Confessions of a LUNATIC!!!
1. I am very self conscious about my body. I do alright in clothes. But I look ridiculous in a bathing suit and HORRIFYING naked. Can everyone please appreciate the daily hell I experience at having a SEE THROUGH SHOWER? I have had to alter my shower times to coincide with Raleigh's work schedule. I have to know his schedule in advance so that I know when I can and when I cannot jump into the glass cube of truth. And he can NEVER come home early. If he's going to come home early, he has to call ahead and let me know. Imagine if you will, how beside myself I must have been for the past 10 months... well, don't worry... I chose to subject myself to the dangerous conditions of my kid's sick down stairs bathroom shower with a door with a lock on it from time to time rather than take a chance on being caught looking like THAT. And yep, in case you were wondering... I am a "lights off lover." It took about 4 months of marriage for me to let him see me naked and even then it was in stages. Sorry, but it's the way it is. No one should have to look at that.
2. I am a nervous wreck most of the time. I have a pretty calm exterior. And to the common man, I appear normal and in control. But I am a ball of pent up, raging, unbelievable stress on the inside. I worry about everything. Also because of some of my past experiences I force myself to see the worst case scenario of most events. That way, I am not blind sided. I am prepared for anything. Ask me the percentage of times my worst case scenarios have happened? Okay... like 2% but I was ready for whatever!! And then when "whatever" doesn't happen (98% of the time) I am so relieved. But because of this condition of nervousness we will now be able to move nicely into my #3.
3. I have massive IBS. It rears it's ugly head in stressful times. It is a debilitating illness. Like life altering. Don't know what it is? Google it. I'm not going to go into the specifics. But damn it. It is not a fun thing to have.
4. I am horrible at math. I am not my dad's daughter when it comes to math. I can't even help my 5th grader with her math homework. I had to go on the 5 year plan at BYU and take a language to graduate because I couldn't pass bone head Math 110. Hola, mi nombre es Kaci y I sucko at matho.
5. I talk to myself when I am alone. I say things like "what shall I make for dinner?" and "don't forget to go to parent teacher conference at 3:00" I think the reason is, I don't like to be alone which is probably why I have 400 kids and a full time job. But on the rare occasion that I do find my self alone with myself, I talk to myself... and I am pretty funny.
6. I am very clumsy. I fall nearly everyday. I fell down my stairs 8 times while I was pregnant. I fall like 3 times a week at work. I trip every single day on NOTHING. I just trip. And I am never without a bruise somewhere on my body from walking into things. Like big things... like walls. I shouldn't be carrying a baby around with me. EVER. Oh well, the other 4 survived. She will too.
7. I swear A LOT. When we were little and we lived in La La Land with Jim and Nance, we were not allowed to say anything. Not even fart. My mom made up cutesy little girl words for all embarrassing bodily functions. I felt guilty one time when I said that horrible word at school. So when I broke away from home, that is how I rebelled. I developed a potty mouth. Some of my friends would sneak out at night with boys, some tried drinking or drugs... I say the D word. What can I say?
8. I feel like I have to point out all of my flaws to people before they notice them for themselves. I don't want anyone to think for one second that I do things or look a certain way and am clueless about it. I think that if I make you aware that I have stretch marks all over my legs or that I am a mediocre cook, you won't have to worry about telling me. As a result of this... I cannot take a compliment either. If you compliment me, nine times out of ten I won't believe you and ten times out of ten I will counter it with a "thank you, but have you noticed this HUGE zit on my nose?" It's a self centered sickness and I really am trying to overcome it.
9. I over analyze everything. I cannot just experience an experience. I have to analyze the hell out of it and spend hours wondering "why he said that" or "what made her act like that." And I usually blame myself. If someone around me is acting weird, instead of asking them what's wrong, I try to figure out what I have done or said that's made them mad. So consequently, I am an incorrect assumer. I make up reasons for people's behavior. I assume incorrectly people's feelings about me. I am afraid to ask what's really going through their head because I don't want to know the answer, so I try and figure it out. And naturally the worst case scenario comes into play here BIG TIME. Wow... one of my degrees is in Psychology. Good thing I work at Best Buy.
10. I am obsessed with my husband. I really really love him a lot. I really really consider myself one of the luckiest wives in the world. He is such a genuinely good person with wonderful goals and hopes and dreams. He is selfless. He is honest. He is sexy. He is an amazing dad. I love to be with him. I hate it that we don't get very much time together. And so my heart leaps when he texts me. I get a big smile on my face when I hear the garage door opening. I love how affectionate he is. I love that he touches me all the time and tells me the sweetest things. He makes me feel so good about myself everyday. He makes me laugh everyday. He is my reason for loving my life again. He makes me want to be better. He loves me no matter what I do or say or think. He accepts all my flaws and even loves some of them. I am absolutely obsessed with him. I would do anything for him. What a wonderful way to feel about your husband.
I consider myself to be a "trainwreck" most of the time. But I balance it with a pretty good sense of humor and I am a very loyal friend. Thanks for this Karen... it feels good to get it out.
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7 comments:
ok that was fabulous!! And so freeing isn't it? Why be normal and how great to find out we are all so much alike! Now more than ever I feel like one of the Little's. You crack me up!! and I can sooo relate.Just a couple things about your 10.If I looked like you I swear I would walk around naked! Seriously..You should not waste one second being self conscious.I talk to myself ALL the time. The worst is when I am cooking. Steve said I act like I am on the food network. Add one egg..beat...CraZY. #6 Enough said. Meet ya on the floor. My worst fall was in front of TJMaxx and it was a doosey. Of course there was a HUGE window so all the customers could see. #7 Nance is going to ground you for that one. But sometimes its the only word that works. #8 not only do I point them out, but if someone tells me they like my shirt, I will tell that what I paid for it and what a great bargain I got? #10 You are ONE lucky girl. But he is too. Thanks for playing. You are the BEST!! Hugs Sophia~
You are THE MOST fun trainwreck I've ever known. First of all, if I looked like you, I'd come to work naked. And yes, you are a nervous wreck and yes you do swear alot and YES you do fall ALOT. But it is sooooo funny. And who uses math anymore anyway? I am so glad we are friends. My life is happier with your craziness in it.
I will NEVER forget the time you and I fell at the same time coming out of the SWKT. On the sidewalks that were supposed to be HEATED and SALTED. And you started crying because you were like 3 days pregnant. And you started making plans to sue BYU. HAHHAHAHAHA. I know what you mean about phychology degrees and overanalyzing. That was MY major and I am completly messed up because of it. Poor Dan, I tell him what he's thinking all the time. He doesn't even need to be in the room anymore to have a conversation with me. I can do both parts all by myself.
LOVE IT!! The majority of those I could copy and paste on my own blog. I think you are fabulous and all of your BONKERS behaviors make you the most awesome person I know. I miss your face and I hope I can see you soon. I need some of your humor. Love ya!
p.s. I am headed north bound on 10/16. I'd love to stop and meet baby Peyton if you're available. :)
You forgot you drive like a bat out of h-e-double toothpicks. Like me. So it's a great trait to have. I just recently had a mild attack of IBS and it is indeed life altering...being bullied by bowels bites.
Your baby is beautiful by the way~!
Once again had me laughing out loud -- I love this post! I've read it several times...had to share with my mom too, who was also laughing out loud. You're such the Erma Bombeck -- ever considered doing a column?? Love you girl! (And I WILL call -- I've had sick kids for weeks, I'm finally getting over it now...still want to do lunch, just don't want to bring the germs to beautiful little Peyton!!)
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